Mom Taught Me Well

Mom taught me to appreciate A job well done:
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"

Mom taught me Religion:
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

Mom taught me about TimeTravel:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

Mom taught me Logic:
"Because I said so, that's why."

Mom taught me about Contortionism:
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

Mom taught me about Weather:
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

Mom taught me about Hypocrisy:
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times, Don't exaggerate!!!"

Mom taught me about Envy:
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

And most of all, Mom taught me The Circle Of Life:
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!"